


Void

by simpbitch2



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26703298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpbitch2/pseuds/simpbitch2
Summary: I wrote this chapter in one go so pls ignore the deteriorating quality
Relationships: Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode/Reader, Cordelia Foxx | Cordelia Goode/You
Comments: 5
Kudos: 96





	1. Avoiding the Void

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this chapter in one go so pls ignore the deteriorating quality

Glancing around the room, your eyes fell to the faces of the two other girls stood beside you. The class had been called for the most advanced, and you were slightly taken aback when summoned by Zoe. The taller of the girls was Amy, who has joined the same day as you after accidentally sending her perverted, misogynistic, asshole boss flying across the room in a fit of rage. She rarely spoke to you, preferring to keep her company limited to a few close friends. 

The second shorter girl was Sylvia Green, who’s strictly religious parents had admitted her after finding her ‘communing with the devil’. She refused to speak about what truly happened, only claiming her parents had overreacted. Truthfully, she was a rather intimidating character who kept to herself; nose in a book, playing the piano or tending to the garden. 

Your admission to the Coven had been a less dramatic one of self discovery and practice. Patience allowed you to teach yourself years of knowledge before even knowing the existence of other witches. That was your real power.

A heavy silence came with the anticipation as two more witches entered the room. Zoe Benson and Cordelia Goode. 

Upon arrival, Zoe had helped you to settle, and within the first day you had requested to be her roommate. She was impressed by your vast experience, and interested in helping you to develop your natural gifts, so was equally as enthusiastic that you fill the empty bed. Since then, an easy friendship had formed between you. Coming from somewhere incredibly different to New Orleans, Zoe was eager to show you round and frequently invited you out for lunch. Your day trips were an appreciated break from the chaos of the Coven.

You’d had less interaction with the current Supreme, Cordelia Goode, than you would’ve liked, but immediately found yourself enamoured with the warm, welcoming witch. As much as you tried to avoid staring, your eyes were instantly drawn to her figure and the power she conducted upon the room. Every polite smile sent in your direction, or glance across from her seat at the head of the dinner table set your body ablaze. The brief eye contact achieved this time was no exception, as the familiar rush of heat travelled down you in a wave of admiration. As much as you loathe to confess it, the instant liking to the woman had soon developed into an all enveloping crush.

“I asked you here today as an-“ Zoe paused, eyes sweeping across the three of you before continuing, “an experiment if you like. Today we’ll be trying something different, and I’ve selected the three of you due to your advancement in my class.” She glanced towards Cordelia, looking for approval from the older witch. “And Cordelia will be joining us today- out of her own, personal interest in the subject today.”

“Yes.” Cordelia’s voice filled the silence left as Zoe’s short introduction came to its end. “Today we’ll be focusing on an area of witchcraft that I myself have struggled with for years.” A new feeling of dread filled the air, as the same question danced throughout everyone’s minds.   
How are we meant to perform a spell that the Supreme cannot?

“The idea of a soulmate is ones that has plagued humanity for centuries.” Zoe continued, “and us witches are no exception. Stories have been told of that one person you experience a deep connection with upon meeting. There’s no doubt in your mind as you’re drawn to them, no hindrance to your relationship as it evolves over time. They don’t complete you, rather inspire you to be complete.” 

A soulmate? The word had crossed your mind many times, yet the promise of a truth in the idea triggered a newfound interest in the topic. If soulmates were real, how were so many people stuck in unhappy relationships? Or left to die alone? The latter of the questions was one that had plagued your mind over the years. Dying alone was best avoided, yet the feeling that it was an inevitable feature of your future constantly tormented your mind. The fear had been caused by a singular event in your, otherwise, happy childhood.   
Miss Angelique was a rather eccentric old lady who occupied the house opposite your childhood home. Every morning as you waited for the bus, she’d walk over in her dressing gown and say something nonsensical. The worst of it would be about how lonely she was; her regrets and disappointment in any relationships she’d pursued. From a young age, you’d learnt to make polite conversation, and ignore her concerning deteriorating mental state. Only one day she stopped.

It was Friday, and after a week of her disappearance from your daily routine, it was cause for concern. Bravely, before heading home for the weekend, you decided to venture across to her house. The backdoor was unlocked, and left slightly ajar. So, after giving up on knocking and waiting for a response, you let yourself in. 

First was the smell. The pungent scent that often accompanied her each morning was overwhelming. It felt as though it engulfed not only the air, but the very light and colour from the house. Second was the flies. They eagerly swarmed around you upon entry, like they were searching you for something. A certain dreary desperation in the high pitched buzzing noise. Third, was the body. Propped up in an armchair, perfectly still and positioned like her death was planned. 

The sight was enough to invoke your instant fear in death. The experience encouraging a sudden maturity and bravery at such a young age, one that would remain throughout adolescence. Yet all you could think of was her chilling words each morning. “Let me tell you something, Y/N, grab onto the nearest person you can find and don’t let them go. Drag ‘em down to hell with you if you have to.” It became a priority of yours, an unsuccessful one unfortunately.

So that, you guessed, was the conclusion. No you did not, previously, believe in soulmates. Because surely, if they were real, no one would have to die alone and unloved.

* * *

The function of the potion was to induce a vision like trance in which the location and appearance of your soulmate would be revealed to you. The complexity of this lay not in the brewing of the potion, but rather your mental capacity to invoke the vision. Each instruction listed in the book was simple enough, the ingredients weren’t particularly hard to come by, or work with. It was the final stage that worried you.

You were expected to drink the potion in under ten seconds (easy enough, the vial was small) then sit relaxed on the floor, a candle placed beside you, surrounded by witches chanting the spell. If it worked, the candle would blow out and you’d find yourself entranced for a minute or two to locate your soulmate. The possibility of embarrassment at being unable to perform the ritual kept your mind clouded as you attempted to brew the potion.

Distracted by impending anxiety, you overestimated the size of the vial, spilling a rather oddly coloured pink liquid all over the table. “Shit,” you muttered, stepping back as the substance began to smoke. Catching the attention of the Supreme, Cordelia quickly dashed across to pour water over the puddle, diluting it.

“Careful there. This stuff can be pretty dangerous when not contained properly.” Though not particularly condescending, your face flushed under the sudden attention.

“Sorry Ms.Goode.” You bowed your head in shame, respectfully stepping back to allow her the space you so desperately envied. Being in her presence gave you an unexplained dizzying rush of endorphins. Zoe believed you were crazy upon mentioning how you felt when near Cordelia, leaving you curious about your experiences. You’d assumed every witch felt the same way around their Supreme. The feeling was addictive, and it took all the power you had not to move closer. But the last thing you wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable.

“You seem a little distracted today. Everything alright?”  
Her question was caring, it showed the empathy of the Supreme. Her ability to notice the small change in your behaviour almost caused you to swoon then and there, before remembering that this was basically her job. You weren’t any different from the other girls in the coven, you reminded yourself. “Yes, sorry.” You answered, unable to meet her gaze. “Just a little anxious is all.”

“There’s no need to be.” A sudden weight upon your arm caused your eyes to travel up. Her hand was reassuringly placed upon you, bringing a soothing, encasing warmth with it. “I envy anyone who can perform the spell, and relate to anyone who can’t.” And with that, she removed her hand and took her place beside Zoe once more.

It took a while for your brain to kick into action again after being sent spiralling by the brief contact. You had a newfound motivation to impress Cordelia now, and a peak in curiosity at the identity of your soulmate. Perhaps if you knew who they were, you could move on from your paralysing crush. Finally, you’d be able to breath around her again, no longer cursed with analysing and overthinking your every move in the Coven. The self consciousness was stifling.

* * *

A rough chalk circle was drawn on the ground, indicating the distance and position each of you were to sit at. The curtains were drawn, and door closed, plunging you into a hazy darkness. Sylvia went first, silently taking her place and lighting the candle with ease. She barely waited for you all to take your seat before tipping her head back and downing the potion easily, without a doubt or care in the world. Clutching the words to the spell, you waiting for the others to start before joining in the chant, watching closely as Sylvia clenched her fists, eyes remaining tightly closed.

Your understanding was atrocious, and you were sure your pronunciation matched this. Remaining quiet, you allowed your voice to be drowned out by the more proficient in the group. An abrupt hush spread through the air as the light from the candle dimmed, soon disappearing entirely. Sylvia stayed sat upright, the tension in her face no longer present. She looked peaceful. The very ambience of the room had changed from tense anticipation, to joyful silence at this first success. Risking a glance to Cordelia, her face was lit with excitement. Eyes glinting with pride.

Sylvia took a gulping breath of air, lunging forward onto her hands as Cordelia leapt forward to help her. Zoe rubbed soothing circles on her back, as you briefly made eye contact with Amy opposite. The same unspoken curiosity was shared between you in that moment.

“I saw him.” Sylvia gasped. “He had the brightest smile I’ve ever seen. And he’s near by.” She sat up, shaking off the embrace. “I awoke in an endless emptiness. At first it was terrifying. White floor, white sky, there was no end to it, no barrier between them. Then I saw him. A dot in the distance at first so I started running. Everything seemed to stretch, like running through a tunnel until suddenly he was right in front of me.” You’d never heard the usually silent girl talk so much, or look so enthusiastic about anything. She raised her arm, pointing. “He’s in that direction. I don’t know how far but I’ll know when I see him.”

As she finished, a round of applause erupted from Zoe, then joined by the rest. Sylvia’s normal grimace had completely lifted from her face as she grinned round at us all, catching her breath. Her excitement was infectious, and the same feeling carried onto the next attempt as Amy took her place in the centre of the circle. 

Soon, the familiar words of the spell began to fill the air as Amy, slightly more hesitantly drank her potion. She frowned slightly, face scrunched up as though putting in a large amount of effort. The light of the candle remained completely calm, its light barely flickering in the stillness of the room. The previous optimism in your voices began to dwell as the tension dropped. Before you knew it, three minutes had past and the candle was still lit. 

Cordelia was the first to stop chanting, the rest following at a staggered pace. Amy didn’t dare move until Zoe shuffled forward, lightly patting her shoulder causing her to jump out of intense concentration. Relaxing her body, Amy’s eyes flickered open to reveal tears gathering in the corners. You opened your mouth, pondering what you could say to console the girl, then closed it like a fish out of water. 

She stood so suddenly and stormed past, that your hand barely missed being crushed. You glanced around the room, expecting someone to follow after her, but everyone remained sat. 

“Give her some time and space,” Cordelia suggested, “we still have one more person.” Everyone’s eyes shifted to you in sync as the realisation set in that it was your turn. The better strategy you had observed was, don’t delay or worry. Be like Sylvia and get it over with quickly. And you did.

The potion tasted strangely normal. Water was the closest thing you could compare it to. Yet as soon as the vial had been emptied, your vision began to fade. The last thing you were aware of was the flicker of flames being extinguished in one large gust.

* * *

As expected, an empty void replaced the dingy atmosphere of the house. You’d expected to feel numb, perhaps slightly afraid, and were taken aback by the strange sense of peace. You felt loved. Completely alone yet entirely complete. The haze of smoke from the candle lingered, or maybe the smell of smoke was only present in your imagination. A strange ringing echoed round the void, comforting and otherworldly. As though it served to remind you that this was temporary, and that you weren’t alone. It’s harmonic tunes were comparable to Myrtle’s Theremin. The recognisably ghostly tune filling the house, unappreciated by all but you. 

The Coven. The spell. You were here for one reason, and this may be your only chance. 

Twisting to the right, you scanned the horizon for any kind of figure, any intrusion to the otherwise uninterrupted wall of white. Continuing to turn, you noticed out the corner of your eye that something stood behind you. Quickly, you turned on your heels to face the person head on, eyes trailed down to notice them sat on the floor. 

Your heart stopped as the void continued to spin around you in all different directions and at different speeds. The person sat before you, remaining where you had left her in the real world, was Cordelia Goode. Her face the picture of worry, tilting to try get a better look at what you assumed was your physical self. Her black dress spread around her in waves, contrasting to the empty floor. Her movements matching real time, unaware of you looking down at her.

It may have been the shock that rendered you frozen, or maybe this was the only opportunity you’d get to truly admire the woman sat before you, but you savoured every second to look at her in closer detail. The reality hadn’t yet sunk in. The prospect that you had successfully carried out the spell hadn’t been fully realised either. Time in the void should’ve felt endless, but you noted it wasn’t, as Cordelia’s expression contorted into one of fear. You didn’t register how she moved to sit closer under you felt the pressure of her hands on either shoulder. 

It was time to face reality.

* * *

“Y/N?” Her voice was the first recollection of real life that came back to you. “Y/N!” Then it was the tight feeling of her grip, the movement as you swayed back and forth. You took a breath, the dreamlike vision melting away into the harsh world. An intense rush of cold shook you to the core as you collapsed forward. Feeling pain as your hands hit the wooden floor was an overwhelming reminder that you were back. You knew you’d been gone longer than three minutes. In the void it felt like seconds, back home, it felt longer.

Before consciousness returned to voice anything too revealing, you placed your weight on shaking hands, rising all too quickly. 

“Hey! Slow down.” Cordelia attempted to reach out as support, only for you to dodge her. You couldn’t deal with any more contact. Not right now. “What did you see?” She tried instead, as the room continued to fade in and out, and you lent against someone else. 

Zoe wrapped an arm round your waist. “You saw them?” A statement rather than a question, you’d answered yes before you could stop yourself. “That’s great!” Staggering forward, your hands grasped the ledge of a table, allowing yourself a minute of respite from the struggle. 

Realising that this wasn’t going to work, you announced. “I need some air.” Before heading towards the door. Leaning against the nearest object you could find and veering side to side as your vision continued to steady. Following the well worn route to the backdoor, you’d made it to the garden in no time. Finally breathing in air that felt as you’d remembered it. Fresh, not as stale and dry as inside had been. 

It was a cloudy day, dulling the usually bright colours of the garden. The grass didn’t look so green, and the flowers seemed to hang low in the light breeze. Humidity wrapped round you, warning that a storm was approaching. Your mind began to catch up with everything that had just occurred. Still, it glossed over the part about Cordelia, unwilling to face this new plot twist just yet. You cursed yourself for saying yes to Zoe, the alternative of remaining silent and claiming that you didn’t see anyone was preferable considering the outcome.

“You okay out here?” 

The familiar voice of the Supreme called out from behind you, signalling that time was up. You needed an excuse, a distraction. Anything that would keep the topic at bay.

“Yes I’m fine.” Folding your arms across your chest, you turned to meet her as she stepped closer. “Just a little overwhelmed, sorry.” 

“No need to be.” She smiled, the patience and understanding in her eyes causing your stomach to twist in guilt, in sadness. You knew there was no way you’d tell her. For fear of rejection. Maybe even disgust. She was the Supreme, after all, and you were nobody special. She cleared her throat. “Did you see them?”

A chance to rewrite your mistake. But you couldn’t lie to her. You couldn’t bring yourself to accept her pity or compassion. “Yeah.... yeah I did.”

To your relief, the obvious next question of ‘Who’ was avoided, as Cordelia seemed to sensed your reluctance to answer and instead opted to ask “Are they far away?”   
  
“No.”

“Do you know them?” 

A pause. You could tell where the interrogation was leading, and needed to change the subject before it got too far. “I'm going to go- for a walk.” You replied, avoiding answering entirely. “Clear my head a bit.” You could feel her gaze on you and began to scrutinise yourself for making it so obvious.

“How about you come to the greenhouse instead?” She suggested, “we can have tea, maybe talk it through. No pressure though.”

“I think I need to be alone. But thank you for the offer.” Any other time and you’d jump at the opportunity. You didn’t often occupy the Supreme’s full attention.

“No problem.” She stepped back, signifying an end to the conversation. “You know where to find me.” 

Your feet began to carry you out the garden, onto the street and across the road. You’d left without much thought as to where you were going, only feeling that you needed to move. The rhythmic tapping of your shoes on the pavement was enough to distract your mind from contemplating it anymore. Soon joined by the gentle patter of rain on the tree leaves above, falling down on you through the gaps in the branches. The few people scattered around the streets began to pick up the pace, some organised enough to have packed umbrellas or raincoats, others using makeshift objects for shelter. You did neither, enjoying the refreshing feel of the cold drops running down your face. 

You’d been at the Coven long enough to know the local area, and then vaguely recognise the streets beyond. Part of you wanted to forget this, to allow yourself to be lost (both mentally and physically.) Another part of you was screaming to turn around, to run back to the house and either tell her, or pack your bags. The intrusive and indecisive thoughts annoyed you beyond sanity, and you realised that another more prevalent distraction was needed. 

Your mind went straight to a cafe Zoe had taken you to a few months ago, tucked away at the end of the street in a shadowy corner most people tended to overlook. It was usually quiet, and seemed the best option at the time. You would be grateful for its warmth and shelter as the rain began to pelt down, the wind blowing it directly into your face. The conditions had intensified faster than you anticipated, but a quick glance to your watch informed that you’d been walking for almost an hour already.

The building was painted a dark green and was old enough that the paint had begun to peel away, exposing the wood beneath. You didn’t need to be a witch to understand that New Orleans held many historical monuments and locations, each building telling its own story that many tended to neglect. You, on the other hand, appreciated each for its unique history, which is why the small cafe provided the perfect sanctuary as the sky darkened even more and the wind began to pick up.

The bell chimed above as you pushed open the door, temporarily letting the howl of wind follow you into the calm ambience of the cafe. As expected, only two of the five tables were taken. One by a college student, who briefly glanced up from her laptop at the sound of the door. The second was a couple, hidden at the farthest table, engaging in a quiet conversation. How you envied them. Bookshelves separated each grouping of tables from the other, and so before taking a seat, you flicked through to find a book that would catch your interest. Then, you settled at one of the tables, prepared to lose yourself for a while.

* * *

Not once did you check the time, and with no gap in the rainclouds, it came as no shock that you spent many hours at the cafe. Your eyes never left the pages of the book, until hunger began to gnaw away at you. Thankful for the money long forgotten at the bottom of your pocket, you ordered a soup and went back to reading. It hadn’t occurred to you that your disappearance would be a cause for concern, especially as the dinner table filled and one seat remained vacant. All thoughts to do with the Coven were lost until around 7pm, when the chime of the door grabbed your attention. 

Madison sighed, shaking off her umbrella while sending an unimpressed glare in your direction. Slowly lowering your book, the clicking of her heels across the wooden floorboards confirmed your worst fears. She sat opposite you, folding her arms. “Where’ve you been bitch?”

“Reading.” You hummed as nonchalantly as possible, closing the book and mirroring her position. 

“Well you’ve got everyone in a real frenzy. They all heard about your little private lesson and assumed you’d died. Cordelia only got everyone to calm down when she sent me out to track you down.” 

“Well here I am. Not dead.” 

“What even happened? No ones talking about it.” She sounded as intrigued as Madison could be. Still the snide comment about her not being involved didn’t go unnoticed.

Thankfully, you knew how to deal with her, and answered in the same monotone voice. “It was all this bullshit about finding a soulmate or something. Nothing too exciting.”

“That’s not bullshit.” Her sudden reaction to your statement came as a shock, as she leant forwards, head in her hands. “Did you find yours?” Her eyes widened dramatically.

“No I-”

“Liar.” She interrupted. “Who was it? Not someone embarrassing I hope.” The playful edge to her voice made you nervous, and you knew she’d do anything to find out the truth. “Or someone bad?” She continued, guessing by your expression. “Donald Trump!” She exclaimed, sitting up as though this were a great revelation.

“No!” You knew she was joking, but couldn’t help take slight offence. This was her game.

“Hmm. Zoe?”

“No. You won’t-”

“Me. It’s not me is it?” Her face lit up in amusement at your flustered look.

“Of course not. I’d be pretty upset if it was.”

She paid no attention to your insult, instead stating a truth you dreaded to realise. “You know I won’t give up until you tell me. So you might as well. I won’t tell anyone. Promise.”

There was no way she’d leave you alone till you told her. And as untrustworthy as Madison could be, you knew no one would believe her if she didn’t keep her promise. Also, it could be a weight off your shoulders if you could just tell someone. You could see no negative other than embarrassment, and so beckoned her to move closer. 

“It’s-umm,” You whispered, the words getting stuck in your throat.

“Spit it out.” She was impatient now, and you considered lying only to find your mind devoid of any other name.

“It’s Cordelia.” You muttered.

“Cordy?!” She repeated way too loudly. “Well I wasn’t expecting that. I’m not sure if I can keep such a.... big secret anymore.”

“Madison....” You warned.

“I’m kidding.” She raised her hands in self defence. “I won’t tell anyone about your little crush on the Supreme.”

“I never said I had a crush, just that I.... you know. I saw her.” 

“Well if you don’t have the hots for her then why did it take so much effort to say?” She challengingly raised her eyebrows, and you temporarily appreciated her inability to be serious.

“Alright. Fair point. Just don’t tell anyone.”

Neither of you were in a particular rush to return to the evening chaos of the Coven, and so you remained seated to talk a while. Luckily, the topic was dropped as Madison went on a rant about having to share the house with so many girls, how she wished she’d been left dead. You knew she was exaggerating, but found solace in her meaningless words. Eventually, as her complaints reached an end and the rain slowed to a drizzle, you knew it was time to leave. 

And so unenthusiastically, you began to walk home.

“Don’t you have any party to go to? I could tag along. You’re out most nights.” You pleaded with the blonde, who remained at an equally slow pace beside you.

“Don’t be so dramatic, not every night. And even if I did why would I bring you along?” 

“Because you’re a great friend?” You suggested sarcastically, knowing there was no avoiding your fate. It came as a surprise that she didn’t have a snarky comeback prepared, and in the sudden silence you turned to admire her expression. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and you knew you’d hit some kind of nerve to render Madison Montgomery speechless. It didn’t take much to work out that the word “friend” had most likely caught her off guard, but decided not to tease her about it as the classic Madison eye roll graced her face.

“You’re just trying to avoid facing your supreme soulmate,” She practically sung the last three words, triggering regret about telling her.

“And you’re never going to let me forget that are you?”

“Of course not.”

* * *

The house stood tall before you, it’s shining white walls comparative to the void in which this whole dread revolved around. Most the lights were on, the golden glow reflecting on your face as the gates creaked open. Each footstep echoed throughout your head, like drums warning of your approach. You felt eyes on you, but pushed the thought away. Rumour had gone round that you died today, of course there’ll be people eager to ask questions. 

Madison went in first as you planned the fastest route to your room. Once there, you’d apologise to Zoe, not explain but apologise. You knew how close Zoe was to Cordelia, and how she’d happily prioritise the truth over your own preference. It was a flaw in your friendship, but an admirable trait nonetheless. As you shut the door behind you, the person you least expected to greet you was the first and only one waiting.

“Y/N, are you okay?” It was Sylvia. You guessed that the lesson earlier had sparked a new confidence in her, or maybe she just felt you had a shared experience now.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Forcing a smile, you attempted to continue past her, grateful to see the staircase empty.

“Cordelia wants to see you in her office.” She called after you. “Now.”

Stopping dead in your tracks, you turned to thank Sylvia. Your fear must’ve been evident, as she sent a reassuring smile in your direction before you noticed she was clutching onto a coat and bag. “Where are you going?” You asked.

“The man I saw, I remembered where I recognised his smile from.” Her face lit up in a grin as she told her story. “He works at my dental surgery. I checked online and they stay open till late, so I’m going to run and see if I can catch him now.” 

“That’s amazing!” You truly were excited on her behalf, but equally jealous that her story had such a happy ending. “Good luck.”

“Be safe.” A voice called from the top of the stairs, one that sent a familiar rush of heat through the surrounding air. Only this time it was no longer a gentle warmth, beckoning you home, but rather a scorching heat that reminded you exactly why you’d rather be anywhere else. “Y/N, can we talk? My office?” 

Sylvia was out the door in a flash, you suspected she didn’t want to be around for the conversation that was about to take place. It also explained the uneasy silence the house had been drenched in since arrival. Whenever Madison disappeared for a while, or came back drunk, she always received some kind of lecture from Cordelia that sometimes became heated if she hadn’t sobered up by then. You’d been stupid to think you could avoid being subjected to it. No matter what age, if you were under the Coven’s roof, then you were under the Supreme’s protection, and with so many past tragedies she, understandably, liked to know everyone was safe.

Hesitantly, you followed, preparing for a conversation you weren’t ready to have. At the time, wishing that you could follow in Madison’s footsteps and drink till your problems began to fade away. 

“Sit.” Cordelia gestured to the chair in front of her desk, the door now closed behind you. Like a trapped animal, you were reluctant to and politely declined, remaining pressed against the wall instead. With your arms folded across your chest, you recognised that you gave the perfect appearance of someone with something to hide, and reluctantly forced yourself to relax. She had been observing you since arrival, and now as her eyes raked over your tense form, you noticed the tiredness in the brown orbs, the spec of fear prominent against her usually brave facade.

“Where did you go?” There was a vulnerability in her voice that made your heart ache.

“Cafe. I just needed time to think.”

“You mentioned that earlier. Do you know how long you were gone?” Her voice began to increase, the worry turning to anger as she continued.

“No....”

“Six hours. You were gone for six hours before I sent Madison out to find you. After you looked so scared in the garden I was worried you’d run off.”

“I would never!” Your voice began to raise in frustration. The fact she believed that you’d leave so suddenly, that you would get scared off so easily was a cruel reminder of how little time you’d spent with the Supreme. You felt frustration that you couldn’t explain the true reason for your fear. 

“Then what were you, what are you avoiding.” She emphasised each word, and you knew this wouldn’t end until she found out exactly what was making you so uncomfortable. The makings of a great leader, which now no longer worked in your favour. Accepting that you could run no longer, you took the seat, wiping at your eyes as you sat down. Seeing the tears beginning to form, her voice softened as she reached out her hand. “You can tell me anything. You know that right?” Hearing that alone was almost enough to break you as you reached out to clasp her hand. “Was it the vision? Who did you see?”

You could stay silent no longer. “You.”


	2. Running from Reconciliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long I kind of forgot about it oops

The enduring silence was stifling at best, agonizing at worst. As the single syllable dropped from your mouth, you'd braced for regret, for the expected embarrassment. Instead, adrenaline fuelled you to stay put, the instinct to run quenched by curiosity, or as you perceived it, lovesick inspired stupidity. Every inadequate hour that haunted you throughout the day had only been leading to this moment, yet you found your mind in some kind of blackout. 

Cordelia's hand, still intertwined with your, went limp. She appeared as bewildered by the word as you, staying statue like in shock. You weren't waiting for a response, understanding that to expect one was selfish. Only in your dreams did you see an inherently positive outcome. Any base of a plan you'd had melted away in the vocalising of that one word, 'You.' But so did the guilt, the sadness and the regret. It was a selfish solution, but it felt so right.

"I'm sorry I put you in this position." The words barely breached above a whisper, you couldn't contain the need to apologise any longer. "Just know I don't expect anything from you." you added, voice breaking as the words sounded so wrong. The whole idea of letting the woman who was meant to be your soulmate go went against every fibre of your being. It felt nothing like the connotations of telling a person they were linked to you by fate.

Only yesterday, you would've laughed at the idea, and if anything, the sudden change of heart was all down to the person sat before you. Cordelia, who said nothing. Her features remained frozen, lips tightly sealed and eyes locked onto the floor beside you.

"Say something." You prompted with newfound confidence. "Please." She refused to respond, no disgusted retraction or loving embrace.

As more time passed by, you grew impatient and untangled your hand from hers. She stayed still. You impulsively stood up, watching for any kind of recognition. She didn't move. You turned to leave.

"Wait."

You felt the heat of her hand wrap around your arm, indulging you in her touch, the expected burn swelling in the pit of your stomach upon contact. She pulled your body towards hers, a second hand trailing up your back, gripping round the back of your neck. She leant in, eyes slowly closing in sync with your own. Both plunged into darkness before the light brush of her lips against yours. Her lips were as soft as you'd imagined, an invitingly addictive warmth only emphasised by her hands around your neck. It felt as if time had stopped, before the warmth was stripped away from you. Cordelia had stepped back. 

Her hands, however, remained where she'd left them, so you took it as permission to lean forward once more, cupping her cheek as you possessively tugged her back. As though time were an unkind demon knocking at the door, there was a sense of urgency as your lips met once more. You needed to show her how crucial this was, how much you wanted it. She complied, parting her lips as you deepened the kiss. In your mind, everything had fallen into place. Similar to your confession only a few minutes ago, this felt the absolutely most important event of your life.

Aware of a sudden lack of enthusiasm, you broke off, unable to stop smiling as you evaluated her expression. She didn't appear to share your euphoric feeling, rather experiencing a conflict of emotions. She looked confused, a little sad. Definitely unrelatable to the unquestioned righteousness you felt. Her deep brown eyes reflected your own gaze, making you suddenly aware of how close you two were standing. Closer to the Supreme than any other witch before you.

You wished you could be with her all the time. Standing close enough to see every detail upon her face, but not yet close enough. You wanted to stay here forever, unmoving in the unsettled world around you. So many desires, and no way to express them. But most importantly, you wanted her to be happy. And unfortunately, you didn't see this reflected in her face.

As she slowly moved away, hair falling back into place, parted lips closing, you realised something was very wrong. Time no longer bent to your will, and within seconds, she was gone.

* * *

As morning sunlight filtered into the room, you blinked open your eyes to adjust, momentarily shocked by the fact you'd been able to fall asleep. Your dreams had been burdened with the image of her conflicted face. Reaching over to grab your phone, you noticed Zoe's bed was empty, soon explained by the time displayed upon the screen. 10:32am, you'd slept in. By now breakfast would be over, leading you to rather reluctantly begin your morning routine. Having been too confused and depressed to change, you found that you were still wearing your clothes from yesterday, and grimaced at how gross you felt. You opted to shower, taking longer than usual to give yourself time to prepare. Despite this, you left the bathroom with no better guess about what was going to happen once downstairs. 

As you'd guessed, the table was empty apart from a few dirty plates that had yet to be cleaned. You made your way through the house, passing a few residents, politely smiling in their direction. Most barely acknowledged you, something routinely positive after the events of yesterday. As you continued walking, it dawned on you that you were searching rather aimlessly. The idea of talking to anyone unaware of what had happened was unappealing. Facing Cordelia, well that was completely out of the question. But keeping all you were feeling to yourself sounded worse, so you unenthusiastically concluded that Madison was your best bet.

If Madison is who I'm looking for, then I'm truly desperate. You thought while heading towards the final unvisited room. The greenhouse. As you grew closer, a group of familiar voices became audible, soon confirmed as you turned to stand unnoticed in the doorway.

"You're lying." Zoe stated, folding her arms in defiance.

"You know I'm not, doesn't it explain everything that happened yesterday?" Madison countered.

"I hate to say it, but she does have a point." Queenie added.

"If you chose not to believe me, then that's your loss." Madison continued. "But there's a real life telenovela playing out before our eyes and you're all missing out." She accusingly waved a finger round at the others.

You found yourself amused by the whole conversation, rather than particularly angry at Madison. You doubted it would stay secret much longer, and watching Zoe, Queenie and Misty try to work out if they should trust Madison or not was entertaining. After noting the debate had paused, you realised Misty's eyes were on you, soon followed by the others as they turned to face you.

"Hey..." Zoe drawled comfortingly, soon stood before you as she reached out to hug you good morning. The way she was acting hinted a partial belief in Madison's story, a 'better safe than sorry' mindset demonstrated in her considerate actions. "How did you sleep?"

The awkwardly timed question angered you more than anything previously spoken. The way she pretended you hadn't heard a word of their obliviously obvious gossip. It prompted you to fix the oncoming avoidance. To be as blunt as possible. "Good thanks. And Madison's right." As nonchalantly as possible, you strode past the group, taking a seat by the table. By the time you were sitting, they were all gasping at your statement, each displaying a differing image of surprise.

Queenie was in disbelief, chuckling to herself and shaking her head. Zoe didn't move, her mouth hanging open as she looked towards the others, encouraging someone to say something. Madison's eyebrows raised smugly when she met Zoe's eye contact. Misty frowned, processing the new plot twist in what had been deemed the 'real life telenovela' only moments ago. Meanwhile, you waited for a response, mildly proud of how you'd rendered everyone speechless.

* * *

Cordelia clenched and unclenched her jaw, fixated on the office door. She both longed and dreaded for it to open, fearfully anticipating who was outside the safety of the room. Never had she found herself more grateful for the uncommunicative young residents than now, knowing she'd be unable to focus on any of their concerns or queries.

Her hand remained gripped around a pen, posed to continue writing. But instead finding herself thrown back to a time when she'd send out multiple letters a day, the Coven's debut to the world. She would write each letter with individual interest in every word, carefully luring students in with her personal reassurance. How your letter had been one of many sent.

Your file had been put together by the council after many incidents of what Zoe deemed 'insane charisma', or in reality; your ability to project emotions onto other people and force them to feel a certain way. It was a unique kind of mind control, one Cordelia had been glad to hear you couldn't use on fellow witches. Instead, you helped keep lurking photographers and journalists at bay. As they began to gather outside the gates, you'd focus on them from her office window and eventually watch as they all reacted to the same air of dread put upon them.

She smiled at the memory, looking to where you'd stood, remembering how your silhouette would be cast across the room, highlighted by the glow of early morning. She'd been so pleased to see you make friends with Zoe, Queenie and Misty (less so about Madison).

Watching you fit into the Coven the past few months had satisfied a desire to see you happy. The reason your happiness was so important had remained a mystery, though not so much now. Your subtle glances across the table had never gone unnoticed, or unreciprocated. However the thought of ever pursuing any form of a relationship terrified Cordelia.

Last night, while kissing you, she'd felt nothing but pure bliss. Afterwards, however, she was left thinking of Hank and her marriage to him. The way her young, timid self had been drawn in by his confidence, his control. At the time, she wanted nothing more than someone to speak on her behalf, but as their marriage progressed, the desire had faded, leaving her with an insensitive, ignorant husband who she couldn't stand up to. Looking back on it, their relationship had been doomed from the beginning.

Thankfully, the burden, or rather gift of her visions freed her from the relationship. Still able to vividly picture the sight of his infidelity, the fear of disloyalty remained prevalent. Yet the worst of it always remained Hank's attack. She felt the guilt from the lives he took on her shoulders even today, indirectly, she'd triggered a horrendous crime from her cruel words. The outcome was regretted, his death was not mourned.

Her Supremacy became a comfort, a chance at redemption after realising that it was not her job to live with or excuse Hank's actions. Alternatively, she created something positive to lessen the evil of his, and partly her past. Yet now, Cordelia found herself hidden away in her office, waiting for the opportunity of distraction while unable to take her mind off you. Or rather, why she wanted to, but couldn't be with you. It was simply put, irresponsible. To drag you into a relationship she didn't deserve, to give you false hope of something that may never work.

A knock sounded from the door.

Cordelia hadn't even registered the gentle creak of footsteps indicating that someone was approaching. Instead, she'd been stunned by the sharp knock against wood. While gathering the willpower to speak, the visitor entered without permission, soon explained by the tell-tale halo of red hair, and overly eccentric patterned dress.

Myrtle Snow peered at the Supreme through her cat eye glasses, puffing out a mouthful of smoke as she spoke. "What are you doing hiding up here, my dear?" The familiarity of the fond nickname almost drove Cordelia to tears, her facade nearly crumbling under the motherly woman's scrutiny.

"I'm using the post breakfast peace to write an invitation," Cordelia explained. "the council flagged some suspiciously similar accounts of arson located around the same area."

"And where is she?" Myrtle made her way over to the desk, peering over the Supreme's shoulder at the half written letter.

"A small town in Maine."

She nodded. "But why don't you let me take care of this. You should be downstairs with the girls."

"I'm quite alright up here." She hoped that reluctance would be a sufficient enough response for her uncharacteristically unsociable behaviour. To her dismay, this wasn't the case.

"Why are you hiding?" Myrtle continued, able to sense the lie. "It's not like you to miss out on our Sunday morning chats." She reassuringly placed a hand on either shoulder, soothingly massaging her tense back as she spoke. Cordelia couldn't help but flinch at the contact. As expected, the redhead could see straight through her, and while leaning closer, asked "What are you afraid of?"

Those five words were all it took to send Cordelia over the edge. She was unable to hold off her emotion anymore, allowing her head to crash into her hands, not so subtly wiping away the tears and muffling a sob.

Without letting Myrtle comfort her, or make any move to help her, she began to rant to the older witch. "I found my soulmate. But I'm so- undeserving of a relationship. Last time I allowed myself to be absorbed by my feelings, it lead me to a horrible place. I couldn't be myself for so long that I forgot how to function properly an- and if It wasn't for the Coven. I don't think I would have survived... like Hank." She took a gulping breath. "He deserved to die, but he took so many people with him. It's not fair that I have to live alone with that weight on me!"

Confessing the years of contained anger was a well earned outlet. She only stopped after being interrupted by "Then don't live alone." Myrtle crouched down beside her. "Foolish girl." She reached up to brush away the stray tears. "You're missing the most important part." Putting an emphasis on each word, she held Cordelia's face, forcing her to listen. "You found your soulmate."

Her pale blue eyes bore into Cordelia's own, conveying a sense of unquestioned urgency. Myrtle didn't need to know who, and instead encouraged excitement at the revelation. Many years ago, she'd failed to perform the spell. Without a soulmate to chase after, she'd committed herself fully to the Coven, and hoped someday that her surrogate daughter might one day surpass her ability and find soulmate. Now, she worried the blonde witch may be too stubborn, that she could ignore the relationship in favour of the control she'd fought so hard for. It was imperative that she convinced her otherwise, even if it took all day.

And it did.

* * *

"Do we have any kind of plan?" Kyle muttered discretely to Zoe, their close proximity granting him a person to which he could voice his concerns.

"No." Madison interrupted. "But isn't that half the fun of it." She smirked. "Besides, lovesick Y/N here needs a distraction."

Glaring at the side of her head, you kept your lips sealed, refusing to retaliate in favour of allowing yourself to indulge in this distraction. When Zoe had suggested a road trip, two answers had immediately come to mind. One an excuse, the other an eager acceptance. The prior had been more sensible.   
Although, the time since kissing Cordelia had dragged, impatience stopping you from focusing on anything. So you took the logical second choice of accepting her invitation. Escaping the slow, stifling grip of a normal day would be a blessing, you'd decided.

Allowing yourself to be hauled along with the others, you hadn't asked any questions or hazarded a guess of where you were going until the scenery had become familiar, and a hazy screen of nostalgia clouded your better judgement. You were home, walking through your childhood neighbourhood, vaguely listening to Madison's complaints about the 'small town curse' as she'd dubbed it. In contrast, Zoe would occasionally make a polite comment about how charming it was. Misty followed further behind, taking time to absorb each little detail. From the small green stems of plants breaking through the monotonous grey concrete, to each building or house. She stopped to ask questions frequently, to which you would reply with some anecdote or story. About how that house had the best Christmas decorations, or how the missing plank along that fence was from your friend crashing their bike into it. All boring childhood tales that somehow entranced Misty, who listened to your every word.

The town itself had hardly changed. The warm glow of the setting sun illuminating every corner, reminding you of how sunlight-clear your memories truly were. For the first homesick week at the Coven, you'd been able to close your eyes and picture walking around. Feel the sweat accumulating from the humid summer evening, hear the distant chirping of crickets, smell the strangely recognisable scent of home. No, not of home. The smell was something else entirely.

Now, you realised it was the undeniably foul stench of the neighbours house, or rather of the neighbour. Of Miss Angelique's rotting corpse, the image imprinted in your mind. The experience had tainted your childhood, and didn't compare to any of the mildly disturbing things you'd seen at the Coven. Now, the smell lingered, contributing to the building dread as you turned to head down your street. Towards your old home. And to her house.

"Hey Y/N?" Misty's voice called from ahead as you tore your eyes from the ground to realise your pace had slowed considerably. Madison stood next to Misty, arms folded with an indignant look of boredom etched across her face. You had no idea why she'd chosen to come. Further along was Kyle, his arm wrapped around Zoe, who was watching you cautiously. "What's that house over there? The overgrown one?" Misty continued, the question demanding an answer which had captured the entire group's attention. 

A hollow sense of dread accompanied your gaze, which reluctantly trailed across to the house she was referring to. But you already knew which she meant. The peaceful glow of the evening must've disappeared at some point, as now the shadows stretched and distorted the street. The light no longer provided any sense of comfort, all that remained was the sound of the distant crickets, and the humidity pressing uncomfortably down on your chest. It was hard to breath, and painful to keep your eyes open. You'd wished to never have to see that house again.

And yet, there it stood, an untouched grave in itself, a testimony to time and how cruel it could be. The pale blue paint was peeling away, and simply looking at it was enough to invoke that same childlike fear. The small porch had begun to crumble, and the roof was caving from the weight of the overgrown tree leaning upon it, its branches resting against the tiles, trapping them in place while simultaneously forcing the house to collapse in on itself. The garden had never been in great shape, but now it was unrecognisable. The grass had grown taller than the ground floor windows, and you could only imagine the darkness this inflicted inside.

"I'm getting some real bad vibes from that place." Misty filled the silence you'd left with your loss for words. How were you meant to explain everything to them? Why it looked like that, what had happened there, and most importantly, why you wanted to venture inside.

No you didn't 'want', _you needed to see what was inside._

* * *

The sound of heels echoing up and down each corridor of the Coven was enough to let anyone know that Cordelia Goode was on a mission, with unbeknownst reasoning to all but Myrtle, who remained seated at the kitchen table. She had been watching and listening for the past hour as the Supreme marched around the house, stopping to question anyone she could find.

The redhead witch found herself rather exhausted after spending the afternoon calming Cordelia down. First it had been the endless reasons for her self loathing, then the anger towards her ex-husband, and finally the guilt. She'd seen it all, and sat patiently through the makeshift therapy session before moving onto what she could do to fix her mistake. By the evening, a plan had been formulated. It had seemed easy enough to complete, but now Myrtle sighed, setting her book down upon noticing Cordelia hadn't even made it past the first step; to find you. 

"I can't find her." Cordelia entered the kitchen, not bothering to elaborate further.

"I gathered." Myrtle replied. "Did you ask Zoe? What about Queenie?"

"Zoe's not here. Neither is Kyle, Misty or Madison." She sat down opposite, taking a deep breath for the first time that day. "And Queenie said she didn't know anything."

"And you believed her?"

"No." Cordelia answered honestly, giving the other witch a look that meant something along the lines of 'and I don't plan on pushing it any further'.

"You're too kind, Delia. As the Supreme of this Coven, it's your right, no your duty to know the whereabouts of each girl. So go back there and force it out of her if you must!" Myrtle's demanding tone was only saved for the direst of situations, and wasn't usually directed at Cordelia.   
It was enough convincing for her to stand up once again, a new determination illuminating the way.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Zoe called out. "Misty was right. This house just feels off."

Before you could reassure the younger witch, Madison answered on your behalf. "Stop being such a pussy. Of course it feels weird, that's the point." She seemed to finally have cheered up, the prospect of an adventure, or rather, a chance to show off her bravery was never missed. You remembered when you'd once been the same, desperate to impress those around you, and prove your naive bravery to yourself.  
Now the focus had shifted. The goal was to show you were capable. That you could find some form of closure in whatever lay beyond the derelict skeleton of the suburban house.

Halting in the doorway, you turned back to the group struggling through the tall grass. "I need to do this guys" you announced, "but if you don't want to come inside, you don't have to."

The selfless suggestion conjured up a fierce loyalty in Misty, who dashed from the back of the group to stand beside you. "No way in hell I'm letting you step foot in there alone." She placed her hand on your shoulder. "If this is your coping strategy, then so be it."

"Yeah, Y/N. We've come all this way, we're not leaving you now." Zoe declared.

Everyone's eyes fell expectantly to Madison, who shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?"

You smirked at the indignation in her tone, then turned round to gently push the door open. It swung back on it's hinges with a stereotypically chilling creak, revealing the first room of the house. You stepped across the boundary, becoming engulfed in a sea of dust. Most things had been cleared out, but a few random items of furniture or personal belongings remained scattered across the floor. You moved further in, subconsciously following the route you'd last taken through the house. Despite the strangely soothing silence, you could swear that an audible buzzing remained echoing throughout. The flies that had surrounded the house. One of the reasons you'd grown suspicious of her absence. 

You ventured another few paces into the house, finding yourself face to face with where her body had been. Thankfully, the armchair was no longer there, and unsurprisingly, the body wasn't either. The image of the empty room impressed a sense of loneliness that left you feeling guilty. You'd been so self absorbed in your own fears and doubts that the reality of the situation had never quite sunk in. The poor woman had lived the alone, facing her worst fears every day. Even after death, she'd been forgotten, only present in your mind as a foul smell. She had no family or loved ones, and yet you had the audacity to ignore her cries for help as she tried to initiate conversation every morning.   
You regretted not reaching out to her, not being patient enough.

And then your mind wandered over to Cordelia, who'd been through more than you could imagine. Then to your impatience, which could've cost you a chance at a successful relationship. One rejection and you'd run away. Again. You didn't want to regret giving up so easily, and so with this thought, you set out to find the others. You needed to go home. 

* * *

Cordelia peered at each house as she drove past, keeping an eye out for any indication you'd been here. It'd taken some persuasion to get the truth out of Queenie, but after promising that she was trying to fix her mistake, she'd reluctantly told the Supreme that you'd gone home. With this revelation, she panicked, worried that she'd not only hurt you, but forced you out of the Coven. It took a great deal of reassurance that you were just visiting until Cordelia snapped into action. She put Myrtle in charge, and was soon driving across the country to find you.

Having written your Coven invitation, she already knew the address, but discovered with a quick search online that currently the house was for sale, so you most likely weren't visiting family. Regardless, she decided to start her search there, parking the car and stepping out. Now in the open air, she suddenly became very aware of how quiet the neighbourhood was. It was early into the evening, there ought to have been some sign of life.   
Something was very wrong here. 

A piercing scream cut through the still night air. She pivoted towards the source, her eyes falling upon the skeleton of one of the houses opposite. It appeared abandoned, though clearly someone was inside. Without a second thought, she ran across the street, unprepared for what she would find and yet determined that you were inside.


End file.
